Thursday, August 6, 2009

I can't keep up with Alonzo Washington

The KC Metro's most popular private clearinghouse of crime tips (aka CRIMEFIGHTER) is an interesting character. He's really committed to the noble cause of getting people in the community to share information with the police that helps solve crimes. He's also really committed to being as arrogant and abrasive as possible in pursuing that role. If you follow his blog, it seems to be 3 parts "check out my hot shit" and 1 part "by the way, please call me if you know anything about this crime."

He did a post on Tuesday in which he called out the "haters" and compared himself to the Dark Knight. It was so over the top, the good liberal in me started reflecting on possible reasonable explanations that didn't involve calling him a megalomaniac. The basic question was - Alonzo Washington - the city's most self-absorbed douche vs. a man with a shtick devoted to a good cause. I was planning to do that post today, and then I saw this. Apparently, the only thing standing between Alonzo and mass murder is his access to pussy. After reading that, I had two thoughts: (1) Thank you, Mrs. Alonzo Washington; and (2) I'm really not in the mood to argue that Alonzo Washington isn't a douche. So I was going to let it go without comment. And then this. Alonzo continues his bitchfest directed at Midtown Miscreant. Washington's lack of perspective is so grand, his disrespect for the victims of pedophilia so obscene, that normal and calm analysis was no longer capable of encompassing the full measure of Alonzo Washington's douchetude.

In moments like this, I take comfort in absurdity. So, a mash-up of Alonzo v. MM, dedicated to the KC Metro's (the only thing he has in common with Batman is that he lives many miles away from the ghetto) biggest douchebag devoted to the noble cause of passing along crime tips:


  1. The city's most self-absorbed douche - you nailed it Sophia.

    When he says this:
    "Some people try to insult my appearance. Yet, they would never leave their women alone with me. I would not touch them because I am married. Yet, they know that they may not be able to trust their women."

    We all think "what a complete and utter prick".

    Good post.

  2. Yeah, that part killed me. It's like the guy is living out the script of his own fantasy movie. Those who refuse to play along are just haters. I wonder how much the posturing contributes to people's willingness to call him up with tips. He claims to be bringing sexy back to crime fighting, so I think he intentionally plays up the coolness factor so when people talk to him they feel like they're part of something more glamorous than snitching. Nothing wrong with that.

    I just don't get why he's got to take it to the next step of calling out all the perceived haters, which just looks terribly insecure. Oh wait, it's because he's a douche. But he's ours! And he does facilitate solving crimes, so we've got that going for us.

  3. Does anyone remember when big daddy blue tooth had a domestic violence charge ? 5 or 6 years ago. It was all over the news. Then it went away, probably for the typical reason. As for MM the guy seems to be headed in the right direction then Alonzo blasts him for giving a tip to the cops. Seems counter productive. Beg for tips then slam a person who gives one. Or maybe he is just pissed someone else got some face time. I see he is now slamming dead leawood girls. I wonder how many crimes he claims to solve are just more BS than invilvment. Class act.