Dear Alonzo: I don't live in the burbs, bitch.

I get it. I get that you're trying to make snitching glamorous. I get that you're trying to bolster your image as an outsider so that when people talk to you they can feel like they're helping stick it to The Man. Nobody hates you for encouraging people to give information about crimes to the police, other than the criminals involved. People like me are perfectly willing to sit back and let your clown show continue without comment as long as it's about the crime.

But solving crime is kind of incidental with you. And sometimes you like to take your platform and your image and do shitty things with it, like disparage someone for being a victim of pedophilia. Or say stupid shit like "Lack of sex makes you kill people," then take a mass murder as an opportunity to remind your readers that you have no problem getting some. This MAKES YOU AN ASSHOLE, not a superstar, and certainly not "a nice guy wanting to fight the good fight."

So, in brief, operating a private TIPS line doesn't give you a license to be an ass. People mostly let you indulge the fantasy that it makes you the Dark Knight or a SUPERSTAR, but when you use your power for evil, people are going to call you out. And they should. Thank you, douche. You're easy to blog.

Peace

Sophia

I can't keep up with Alonzo Washington

The KC Metro's most popular private clearinghouse of crime tips (aka CRIMEFIGHTER) is an interesting character. He's really committed to the noble cause of getting people in the community to share information with the police that helps solve crimes. He's also really committed to being as arrogant and abrasive as possible in pursuing that role. If you follow his blog, it seems to be 3 parts "check out my hot shit" and 1 part "by the way, please call me if you know anything about this crime."

He did a post on Tuesday in which he called out the "haters" and compared himself to the Dark Knight. It was so over the top, the good liberal in me started reflecting on possible reasonable explanations that didn't involve calling him a megalomaniac. The basic question was - Alonzo Washington - the city's most self-absorbed douche vs. a man with a shtick devoted to a good cause. I was planning to do that post today, and then I saw this. Apparently, the only thing standing between Alonzo and mass murder is his access to pussy. After reading that, I had two thoughts: (1) Thank you, Mrs. Alonzo Washington; and (2) I'm really not in the mood to argue that Alonzo Washington isn't a douche. So I was going to let it go without comment. And then this. Alonzo continues his bitchfest directed at Midtown Miscreant. Washington's lack of perspective is so grand, his disrespect for the victims of pedophilia so obscene, that normal and calm analysis was no longer capable of encompassing the full measure of Alonzo Washington's douchetude.

In moments like this, I take comfort in absurdity. So, a mash-up of Alonzo v. MM, dedicated to the KC Metro's (the only thing he has in common with Batman is that he lives many miles away from the ghetto) biggest douchebag devoted to the noble cause of passing along crime tips: